Daybook: Monday, February 16, 2015

Outside my window... 38 degrees and wet.  The high today will be 49.  The temperature won't reach 70 degrees again until Friday or Saturday.  I love 70s!  

I am thinking... About how Sister Do Bee and I discuss the word "strong" in relation to bereaved people.  She was saying that strong is something you do when you have a choice.  Moving on with life after the deaths of our children was not an act of strength, it was an act of survival.  When someone inquires about a newly bereaved person and the reply is "Oh, they're being so strong," my mind says, "What does that mean?"  Are they strong because they don't cry in front of you?  Are they strong because they manage to make a bowl of cereal for their child?  Strength for me, when I was newly bereaved, meant being able to brush my hair.  Seriously, I literally did not have the stamina to keep my arm above my head.  The newly bereaved are not strong.  They are cocooned in shock.  Some say that wears off between 4 and 6 months and the reality of what has happened settles in.  That's when strength probably begins.  That's when you're no longer going through the motions and you have to make a daily choice to keep living (not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally). 

A friend wrote me last week and told me that when her young nephew died suddenly a few years ago, her brother was no longer able to parent his surviving daughter.  I wrote her back:  "When Dancing Angel died, we had to consciously decide that were not only Dancing Angel's parents; we were also the Grand Duchess, Boy Wonder, and Princess Butterfly's parents as well.  Though we grieve for her still, we could not demonstrate to our other 3 that our love for her was more than our love for them.  I  can still relate to your brother.  It is a hard decision we had to make on a daily basis.   It would have been so much easier just to give in to despondency, but for our children to lose their sister physically and then lose their parents emotionally through no fault of their own would have been a terrible thing for us to do to them."  

    
I am thankful... For my worship community.  On Shabbat, Sister Do Bee got up and was all in my business about coming before Yehovah empty handed.  I was empty that morning.  I had stored nothing up to offer.  Then Sister Still Water (as in still waters run deep) testified about how she had been angry because Yah had not been moving like she wanted Him too and she had become unthankful and angry.  OUCH!  I needed both of those sound rebukes.  

I am wearing... Yoga pants and a velour jacket.  I'm a little chilly.  

I am creating... One day, I'm going to knit with finer yarn, but in the meantime I just have to say how much I love Michaels Stores for buying yarn. Last week, my daughter and I went in without a coupon. They scanned a coupon for us and then gave us a military discount on top of that!

I am reading... I didn't get much reading done last week.  Too busy.  I am going to attempt to keep up with the Reading Through the Scriptures in a Year, lined up with the weekly Torah portions.  

02/15/15 - Exodus 25:1-16; 2 Kings 5; Psalm 132:1-133:3; Luke 24:13-35
02/16/15 - Exodus 25:17-30; 2 Kings 6; Psalm 134; Luke 24:36-53
02/17/15 - Exodus 25:31-26:14;.2 Kings 7; Psalm 135; John 1:1-28
02/18/15 - Exodus 26:15-30; 2 Kings 8; Psalm 136; John 1:29-51
02/19/15 - Exodus 26:31-37; 2 Kings 9; Psalm 137:1-138:8; John 2
02/20/15 - Exodus 27:1-8; 2 Kings 10; Psalm 139; John 3:1-21

02/21/15 - Exodus 27:9-19; 2 Kings 11; Psalm 140:1-141:10; John 3:22-36; I Kings 5:26 - 6:13

I am listening to.... At the moment, The Power of Your Words by Arthur Bailey.  I have also been listening to, (but not quite finished) “Trim Healthy Mama” authors Serene Allison & Pearl Barrett”.      

I am hoping... An answer to several prayer requests.  

I am looking forward to... Being able to do SOMETHING for Boy Wonder's birthday that occurred on the day of our special service last week.  I need to think of something creative.  

I am learning... "A gentle response deflects fury, but a harsh word makes tempers rise."  Proverbs 15:1.  Will I ever STOP learning this?  Probably not.  

One of my favorite things... Having a praying husband.  I have grown to hate my job.  One morning last week, something ELSE happened and I had to walk down the stairs and ask him to pray for me because I just couldn't make myself want to work.  He wrapped me in a bear hug and prayed as my tears ran down his arm.  Thank You, Abba, for blessing me with this man.  He also prayed for me on Shabbat because I had had to stand up through the whole message because of a headache and back pain.  I realized that someone who came into my house who did not have my permission to lay hands on me and "pray" for me had put their hands in those exact positions.  I was raised Pentecostal.  I don't have a problem with the laying on of hands, but you cross boundaries when you lay hands suddenly.  I knew that their praying was not of Yah.  Our elder mentioned the desire of the spirit of a false prophet to establish spiritual superiority in a place so that they become the dominant "voice" in a place.  This is what had tried to occur.  You've got to be careful when you're doing ministry in your own home.  

From the learning rooms... 
Junior:  

You know how I get a plan and it's working, and then I modify the plan because I think it will work better, then I completely stop doing the plan?  Yep.  That's math.  We need to go back to doing it first thing in the morning.  

Freshman:  

Next week is the regional competition for Princess Butterfly and her team for the National History Day competition.  One of her teammates came down with the flu today.  Praying for a quick recovery!  

  

Noticing that... When you're fasting, the dog chews her food awfully loud.       

Pondering these words... This is my verse of the week.  

  

From the kitchen... On erev Shabbat, I made Cast-Iron Skillet.  

It was great, but I did modify it to use Immaculate Pie Crust instead of pizza crust.  Also, Friend Hubby requests that next time I add some black olives (to make it more pizza-ish, I guess).  My children requested more sauce in the mix.  Next time, I will mix all the ingredients in a bowl rather than in the skillet.  

For Shabbat, I made Chicken Wild Rice Casserole.  

It also went over well, only I wish I had made more.  Next time, I will make 2 baking dishes full.     

Around the house... We had houseguests last week so we did a "company coming" clean.  I wish I had the motivation to do that all the time.  FlyLady is cleaning the bathroom and one other room this week.  Maybe I'll join her.   

One of my favorite things...Dr. Kenny Russell of Bulldozer Faith ministries came to speak for a special service this past week.  I had never heard of him before last week. You can watch the service at our ministry's website:  His Glory! HaMishkan Community.    

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