Outside my window...
We've had rain for nearly a week. Praying for Louisiana!
I am thinking...
On Monday, we got our Sanban all moved in to his dorm. Although I am happy for his starting a new life, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. My eyes were subtly leaking throughout the day, but I tried to get a grip. I cried when I had to say goodbye. I cried on the drive home. I cried sitting up late so I could be alone. I cried laying down to try to get some sleep. As I lay down, all I could see was his 4-year-old little face talking 2 inches from mine, trying to comfort me as I grieved for Dancing Angel 13 years ago. "I'm going to talk to you about [Dancing Angel], Mommy so you won't miss her so much." Now it's him I'm missing. No, not like Dancing Angel, but just his presence. The dog misses him too. She mopes around most of the day. When the weather cools off, we'll start taking morning walks again.
The day after move-in, the people at SoulFeed who must follow me around and document my life posted this article: Release my grip. A Mother’s Prayer for College Drop-off. I'll be glad when my own classes start so I will have something else to think about.
Trying to get my brain together after Sanban was gone. We showed up at the new archery club Princess Butterfly wants to check out, only to discover that even though we thought we were 15 minutes late, we were actually a week early.
Through texting, I was waxing philosophical with Ms. Sophia. She's so funny! "Wax on, wax off." LOL!!! I told her that I had been thinking about the pain of labor. That pain is there because one body has to separate into two. Having a child leave home is painful for the exact same reason; however, a child who stays too long in the womb becomes toxic to itself and its mother.
As the week passed, my sadness subsided. I just wanted to hear his voice. On Sunday afternoon he called. I was SO HAPPY! I just needed to know that he was adjusting well. We didn't talk for long, but it was long enough to give me peace. This article says it ALL: 6 Reasons Why Moms Cry When They Leave Their Kids at College. All 6 reasons. It was true when we left The Grand Duchess standing on the stoop of her dorm getting ready to go to a campus picnic. It was true when we left Sanban in the rain on his scooter, getting ready to go play games with his new ROTC friends. It will be true in two years when we take our Princess Butterfly, our caboose, to start her college career as well.
I am thankful...
Last week, Yah answered some BIG prayers in some BIG ways. He got the ball rolling and I am confident that He will complete it!
I am wearing...
Same ole, same ole.
I am creating...
My mother was very big on Hallmark cards. Too big for my taste, but given my introversion, talking on the phone is not something I enjoy doing and I always think that I may be intruding on other people's time. Just before we took our summer road trip, one of my pen pals from a Facebook group that I'm on started writing to me again after about a year. I had started writing to my nephew, but over the busy graduation season let that lapse too. While I was thinking last week about how much I missed Sanban and waiting respectfully for him to contact me first, I got the idea to ease MY pain by sending him a card. Sanban's love language is Words of Affirmation. I figured he would probably need an "attaboy" as classes began.
A couple of years ago, my father ended our estrangement by reaching out to me in a letter. I was at a cross country meet while I was writing him back. Ms. Sophia was there and asked me if I was writing to The Grand Duchess because she could totally see us writing old fashioned letters to one another. That gave me the idea of writing letters just before finals to break up the stress of studying. I addressed the letters to Her Royal Highness The Grand Duchess of [our hometown]. She said she was cleaning her apartment the other day and found them.
At 4 o'clock this morning, one of my great aunts who is nearly 80 years old sent me a text message just to tell me that her birthday is September 17th. The prayer shawl that is 80% finished was supposed to be for her birthday LAST year. I am going to finish it and make the 2 hour drive to take it to her and take her out to lunch next month.
After that, I am going to try to put together small care packages, maybe once a month to send to Sanban, my nephew Munch, The Grand Duchess when she starts her new job, my pen pal, and my niece who is an 18-year-old mom who has just started college, and my two great aunts. For my great aunts, a card will probably remind them of my mother. It has been my goal, in the absence of my mother, to honor her two sisters in her place. It has been my goal, in the absence of my maternal grandmother, to honor her two living sisters in her place as well. I haven't done a great job of it, but a card is not too difficult. I also need to do something for my mother-in-law in the nursing home as well.
In Sanban's card, I put some magnetized bookmarks for the pages of his textbooks. They don't have to be big things. Little things mean a lot.
I am reading...
I have read 17% of Back Channel. I didn't read much last week.
I am watching...
Reruns I watched in my childhood, McHale's Navy. The series actually ended the year before I was born.
I am listening to...
While I was missing Sanban and missing all my children when they were small, cleaning my school room to prepare for one student, one final launch, I was being encouraged by a series called How to Pray for Your Children.
I am learning...
As I am teaching on the book of Ecclesiastes during our Shabbat service, I am seeing how people of today don't differ from Solomon's great experiment. Man today is no different than man of his time. We just have different toys and we're still trying to improve upon Yah's order of creation. We still think our new ideas are "new" when they are really just new to us. This past week, I talked about the "pleasure seeker" philosophy. Friend Hubby is teaching on Acts 15 and how we as believers in the Messiah have moved away from from the book of Acts when we're supposed to be emulating it.
One of my favorite things...
Praising Yah for answered prayers and talking with Sanban on the phone.
From the learning rooms...
College Freshman:
Sanban starts class today. His first class is part of his major. Because he had so many community college credits, he is done with many core classes and can start classes in his major right away. I remember how happy I was to actually start taking a nursing class. It makes a difference in your momentum for getting started. Because of his CAP Mitchell Award, he also gets to skip a foundation ROTC class as well. If he were to enlist today, he would go in as an E3, not an E1.
I've got to get his final senior transcript done today.
Last night I learned that the 2020 Olympics will be in Tokyo. If Sanban graduates in May 2020 and gets his commission immediately, he can get stationed to Yakota Air Band be in Tokyo in August for the Olympics!
Sanban sent The Grand Duchess a message that he is walking around certain places on campus asking important people if they knew her. LOL!!!
High School Junior:
Everyone is back to school today except us! Princess Butterfly is still working days this week. Our homeschool co-op orientation is this Thursday and class begins next week.
Back-to-school Mom:
Our community college classes begin next week.
Pondering these words...
I literally cannot wait for my children to travel far and wide and tell me about what they have seen and who they have met. Even though The Grand Duchess lived in Germany and Okinawa, and Sanban left Okinawa as a toddler, they know mostly of the portion of OUR adventures that we share with them. I can't wait for the day when we sit down and they share their adventures with us. The perspective of the well traveled is so unique.
Around the house...
Getting the school room cleaned out. I am coming across some of Dancing Angel's school work. Apparently, the year before she died of a brain tumor, she was doing a word scramble and one of the words was glioma, That's a brain tumor. One of those things that make you think, "Did I miss a clue? A sign?" I can easily get stuck there, but I don't have time for that. I'm getting rid of most of the math, but I love keeping my children's writing assignments.
My Health Efforts...
I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but when I drink the amount of water that my app tells me to for my weight, the following morning, my BMI consistently goes down. Can I do this consistently every day for 8 weeks???? Sometimes, I feel as if it is a ridiculous amount of water, but when my weight changes, so does my intake level on the app. 
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