Monday, May 30, 2016

Outside my window...This morning there was thunder and lightning, now it is a bright sunny day.

I am thinking...Do you ever get angry with yourself for being angry with yourself? There is a saying that you know you're healed when you return to a certain place and it no longer hurts. I'm 49 flippin' years old! You'd think it wouldn't matter by now. When I posted about my 29th wedding anniversary on Facebook, the post got 165 likes and 65 well wishes. Of all the people on my friends list who either reacted or wished us well, one was notably absent. I might have thought it an oversight, but there were two subtle acts of passive-aggression that I picked up on that let me know they were trying to make a statement. I was so angry! I am angry with myself more than anything because I care enough to allow it to hurt me.

Looking at it from a biblical point of view, it is easy to see that the first sin by Eve had to do with perception. Elohim said, "Of all the trees of the garden you may freely eat, except..." Eve focused on the one thing she couldn't have. Do I want to be guilty of focusing on the ONE person that I would think would be happy for my happiness? Isn't that the sin of Haman? "And when Haman saw that Mordecai bowed not, nor paid him homage, then was Haman full of wrath." Esther 3:5. This is a character flaw that I need to work on.

My daughter introduced me to this song a few months ago. At the time, it didn't move me emotionally. It didn't move me because I thought we were doing better. I thought change had come at last. I revisited it recently, like rubbing an old wound to see if it still hurts. Yep. It still does. It hurts because I thought we had turned a corner. I guess I thought wrong. Congratulating and appearing to support the success of my children but not acknowledging the union that produced them is problematic for me. I am not a single parent. Everything our children have achieved is because they have TWO supportive and devoted parents.

I had to just allow the words of this song to wash over me so that I can move on, just as I always have.

The same day, a friend posted this blog called I Accept Me.

It was perfect timing. I suppose I should cut myself some slack.

I am thankful... Anyway. So yes! Friend Hubby and I just celebrated 29 years of marriage and a 32 year relationship! What a blessed journey we have had. We've lived on 3 continents, been blessed with 4 amazingly talented children, and relationships with friends that have spanned DECADES. We parent together (we don't play that divide and conquer mess), we minister together from the street corner to the dinner table, we cook together, we sing together, we grieve together, we pray together. I say again how thankful I am for this hardworking, faithful man, soft-hearted toward me and toward our children (they've got him wrapped!), but a fierce protector against anything or anyone who does not come in peace. He is truly my gift from Abba and I'm thankful for legacy of a strong marriage we are building together for our posterity. Yehovah has TRULY been good to us.

I was asked recently what advice I would give to a newlywed. It would be this: "Respect and friendship. Sometimes we treat the cashier or the waitress better than our spouse. No one on earth is a higher priority, not relatives, not children, not boss. It goes both ways." I think respect goes both ways because in some relationships where one spouse has a more dominant personality than the other, the less dominant can constantly defer all decisions to the point that they lose who they were created to be. Over our long relationship, I have grown in my assertiveness and my husband has grown in his diplomacy. It's a beautiful thing. :-) Some have twisted the biblical concept of submission into something that is grotesque and unnatural. I still HIGHLY recommend the study The Biblical Role of Women. It will shake up a lot of false teaching.

Anniversary gift! Custom-made jewelry. One of his first gifts to me was pearls. The bee is because he calls me his Queen Bee.

I am reading... I am still reading Their Eyes were Watching God, but I haven't read much this week.

I am watching... Friend Hubby has me watching The Sixties with him. It's fascinating because even in all our years of homeschooling, we haven't spent much time in the latter half of the 20th century. I also started re-watching Many Rivers to Cross.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Our family and another family are planning for a joint Eagle Scout Court of Honor. We have to do it quickly because the young men have such a busy summer ahead of them.

I am also going over to the community college to get registered for my fall classes. Exciting!

From the kitchen... My creative juices are flowing for the cake I plan to make for the Eagle Scout Court of Honor. This one is what I would like to do for the centerpiece because Sanban was in scouting from Tiger Scouts on.